6/20/2007

Send Me Lord, I want to go.

I believe God has a plan for me.
Ever since I began having a personal relationship with Jesus, I just had this feeling that there was something big, something HUGE in store for me. I've always loved babies. Always. I've always been interested in missions. I can remember, as an 8 year old, reading a biography of Gladys Alyward and thinking, "*I* could never be a missionary. You have to be really Godly to be a missionary." I always wished I could, though.I've been interested in nursing since I was a preteen. When I was 15 I felt God's specific calling for me to be a nurse. He confirmed this calling in a very special way. When I had prayed for confirmation, I asked that it be through a verse in the Bible, and in faith, I opened up my Bible to a random spot, and read the verse my finger landed on.
It was half a verse, the first half of it was on the front side of the page. The part I got was astounding.
"and healing all manner of sickness and all manner of disease among the people."


That's Matthew 4:23b.
Amazing, isn't it?

It was only this year when I fully realized that God had called me to missions. Pastor preached, and I don't remember much of anything, except in the invitation he asked us, would we go? I do remember answering yes with all my heart, Lord, please, send me!! I want to go! And since then the desire to go share the hope of Christ with others just grows and grows.
I think He might be calling me to Africa, but I don't know. I just know I've always thought of myself as a missionary to Africa, been interested in it, and several of my friends, and my mother, (without them knowing I was interested in it) thought of me going there. My desire is to run/work in an orphanage in Africa, specifically with the babies and young children who are dumped, or left without parents because of AIDS.

The reason I posted a picture of the ocean is this: last year, I was carried out by a strong rip current, and I thought I wouldn't make it back to shore. Thinking back to how I felt still makes me somewhat sick. I have learned some valuable lessons from that experience. God has a plan for me. If he did not, I would not be here today. Also, I am in his hands, and he can do with me what he will. I may think I have a will, but I do not. There in the ocean, with the water dragging me back farther and farther from the shore, pushing me underneat the surface, I had no power. None. I couldn't help myself at all! We were swimming to the side, swimming, swimming, getting nowhere. Completely powerless. If I am so powerless in something as small as the ocean(small in comparison to God) then how much more so in God's hands? The only difference is this- God gives me free will to make my own choices. BUT if I do not make the right choices, he ultimately will punish(non-Christians) or chastise(Christians) me, and do with me whatever he wants.