I've been struggling in one particular area of my life for three years now. Three long, hard years. It seems really small, but the issues beneath the surface are anything but small.
When I was 15 I was so excited about driving. My parents, however, weren't planning on my driving any time soon. 2 months after my birthday I got my permit, but barely used it. (Nov. 05) Then, in an accident, my mom failed to turn in the home school attendance records on time, and our social worker failed to remind her -twice-, so my permit was suspended for a year on the grounds that I had dropped out of school. (preposterous, right? I thought so, too.) That was March 06.
So, in March 07, I got my permit back! I was overjoyed, but once again, I didn't get to drive much at all. I really, really wanted to, and I was very impatient. Then I was supposed to go to my Aunt's house in the fall, but that trip got ruined, and my mom promised (before we were sure if it would work out or not) that if it didn't work, we would get my driver's license before my permit expired that November. Well, I didn't go on the trip, and I didn't get my driver's license. I guess my mom forgot. I don't really know what happened, but I struggled with that for quite awhile.
In Feb. 08 I had my permit renewed, and I have had a good bit of driving practice since then, but not nearly enough to be ready for a driver's test. The Spring semester of this year, I was very anxious to get my license so I could drive myself to school and work. I had been getting up at 4 AM to go to work with my dad in the mornings (he dropped me off at my former piano teacher's house where I clean, and I would go back to sleep until 8:30), and working out a schedule for school and needing a driver was frustrating for everyone. I prayed about things and surrendered it to God, and he worked things out. So I've tried to sit tight for the most part, and not ask to drive too often.
A lot of things have changed, and I have to be dropped off at work instead of going with my dad (but my dad still picks me up on the way home), I have to be dropped off and picked up from a new job, and school. Now I have become a burden to my older sister, because she's ended up bearing the responsibility of chauffeuring me around. So, here in September 08, 3 years down the road, I am still struggling with this whole driving thing. (Rather, not-driving thing.) I want to learn from it, and I am trying, truly I am, but I am tired. Having a battle with something for three years is not something I enjoy. For now the battle-strategy is to continue praying about it, confessing wrong attitudes about it, ask God to show me what he wants me to learn from it, and keep on sticking it out.
Another thing I continue to struggle with is my independent streak. (Whatever it's labeled as, pretty much it's just plain sin: pride and selfishness.) I have a lot of goals that I want to accomplish, and a lot of obligations at the present, so it's very inconvenient to have to rely on my family to take me places(tying in with driving frustration), and it's also very inconvenient to be part of a large family who need my help, support, and cooperation. All they ask of me is that I keep the bathrooms and floors clean(tomorrow's project). Lately I've been really having to work to keep my attitudes to my parents in the right place. I want to be a submissive, gentle, helpful daughter. Instead I am proud, unkind, and not helpful - and even if I am helpful, not in the right way.
I'm just generally frustrated because even though I've seen a lot of personal growth lately, it's never over. For as long as I serve my Jesus on this sin-cursed earth in this sin-cursed body, I will be struggling with sin. The encouraging thing to know is that I can always progress, and that Jesus will ALWAYS give me the grace I need to move forward. I only have to step out in faith and follow him.
<3 Loshie
When I was 15 I was so excited about driving. My parents, however, weren't planning on my driving any time soon. 2 months after my birthday I got my permit, but barely used it. (Nov. 05) Then, in an accident, my mom failed to turn in the home school attendance records on time, and our social worker failed to remind her -twice-, so my permit was suspended for a year on the grounds that I had dropped out of school. (preposterous, right? I thought so, too.) That was March 06.
So, in March 07, I got my permit back! I was overjoyed, but once again, I didn't get to drive much at all. I really, really wanted to, and I was very impatient. Then I was supposed to go to my Aunt's house in the fall, but that trip got ruined, and my mom promised (before we were sure if it would work out or not) that if it didn't work, we would get my driver's license before my permit expired that November. Well, I didn't go on the trip, and I didn't get my driver's license. I guess my mom forgot. I don't really know what happened, but I struggled with that for quite awhile.
In Feb. 08 I had my permit renewed, and I have had a good bit of driving practice since then, but not nearly enough to be ready for a driver's test. The Spring semester of this year, I was very anxious to get my license so I could drive myself to school and work. I had been getting up at 4 AM to go to work with my dad in the mornings (he dropped me off at my former piano teacher's house where I clean, and I would go back to sleep until 8:30), and working out a schedule for school and needing a driver was frustrating for everyone. I prayed about things and surrendered it to God, and he worked things out. So I've tried to sit tight for the most part, and not ask to drive too often.
A lot of things have changed, and I have to be dropped off at work instead of going with my dad (but my dad still picks me up on the way home), I have to be dropped off and picked up from a new job, and school. Now I have become a burden to my older sister, because she's ended up bearing the responsibility of chauffeuring me around. So, here in September 08, 3 years down the road, I am still struggling with this whole driving thing. (Rather, not-driving thing.) I want to learn from it, and I am trying, truly I am, but I am tired. Having a battle with something for three years is not something I enjoy. For now the battle-strategy is to continue praying about it, confessing wrong attitudes about it, ask God to show me what he wants me to learn from it, and keep on sticking it out.
Another thing I continue to struggle with is my independent streak. (Whatever it's labeled as, pretty much it's just plain sin: pride and selfishness.) I have a lot of goals that I want to accomplish, and a lot of obligations at the present, so it's very inconvenient to have to rely on my family to take me places(tying in with driving frustration), and it's also very inconvenient to be part of a large family who need my help, support, and cooperation. All they ask of me is that I keep the bathrooms and floors clean(tomorrow's project). Lately I've been really having to work to keep my attitudes to my parents in the right place. I want to be a submissive, gentle, helpful daughter. Instead I am proud, unkind, and not helpful - and even if I am helpful, not in the right way.
I'm just generally frustrated because even though I've seen a lot of personal growth lately, it's never over. For as long as I serve my Jesus on this sin-cursed earth in this sin-cursed body, I will be struggling with sin. The encouraging thing to know is that I can always progress, and that Jesus will ALWAYS give me the grace I need to move forward. I only have to step out in faith and follow him.
<3 Loshie
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