Wow guys, it has been a long time!!

My dear blog readers,
I apologize for how long it has been since my last post! Life is most amazingly full and crazy.

I am pretty much devastated that summer is over. =( It's the ultimate sadness. I need to fly south for the winter. However, God has work for me at home, and I serve him, not me.

I posted the following on my facebook - it's pretty much what I learned at camp.

This summer I spent 4 weeks at camp. God taught me a lot over the spring semester, but around May I had started floundering spiritually. I was taking my spiritual growth into my hands and trying to figure out what I needed to do to keep the ball rolling. I knew that camp was God's will for me and that he had something specific to teach me, so I was pretty much excited to be there!!!!!
The first week of camp I spent as an assistant counselor at camp sunrise. I really realized how selfish I was for the first time. Then first week at the Wilds was really a good week of encouragement. God used everything to show me that I had been using other peoples shortcomings as an excuse for my bad attitudes and selfishness. He really taught me that my attitude is my own choice, and that in order to be like Christ I must be constantly immersed in God's Word.
The second week was a lot of learning how to/more about denying myself. God had shown me that I was selfish/focused on myself, and now it was time to learn about it and how to deal with it. Mostly learning that my purpose in life is not anything about myself, it's about glorifying God, and causing others to come to right opinions about him so that they in turn will give him his proper place and worth in their lives. It was also a lot of learning that in order to have the right fruits in my life I have to believe the truth about God, and act on it. That really fit in with being constantly immersed in God's Word - if I am not constantly in God's Word there is no way I can know the truth about him, much less believe it! God really cracked down on me in one of the sessions about having a tender heart. Scott mentioned that hurt in life comes from faulty logic - people should be treating me right, and when they don't I get hurt. I really struggle with forgiving others, and this particular session showed me that my lack of forgiveness is a sin against God. When people do things that hurt me I have to take my eyes off myself and forgive. They are accountable to God for what they did, and I am accountable to God to respond correctly. My counselor mentioned that I am the only person I can control, so I had better control myself!
We talked a lot about how a Christian's role in life is to be a servant leader, memorized a bunch of character quailities, and verses to back them up, and really looked at examples of that in the new testament. We also talked about what it requires to walk in the Spirit. It totally requires dependence and submission, and somehow I TOTALLY missed the point of this session. I heard it all, but it didn't sink in and hit home.
I went home and was able to use the things God had taught me to not freak out when a couple big issues came up. That was really encouraging!!!
I went back and learned a lot more, and I had a good week, but I was frustrated. I felt like I couldn't live up to what was expected of me, and I was struggling with wanting to spend time and be with my CIT friends, and getting to know the girls in my cabin, as well as going t my extra sessions and regular camp activities. It's a lot. I got upset with my counselor at one point because I felt like she was upset at me for a miscommunication. For some reason or other,as hard as I tried I couldn't let it go. So, for the next 24 hours I had a bad attitude. I ended up having an emotional melt down, and after that I was mostly better, but things still didn't feel exactly right. I was definitely ready to go home. Friday night, the last sermon, and the last point of the last sermon was about how in order to be on God's side you have to be dependent on God. The speaker made the point that we pretty much just have to say, "Okay God, I give up! I quit! I can't do it.", and then the light came on. I realized that I had been trying to do and be everything I had learned in my own strength, which really, really, really did not work. I went out during the invitation with my counselor and talked to her about everything and prayed with her.I asked God to really keep me humble and to give me the strength I need to live like him, since I most certainly can't.One of the neat things that was pointed out in one of the sessions was the fact that in Isaiah 40:31 where it says, "they that wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength..." it doesn't mean that God will fill our strength back up when its empty. God doesnt begin where we end, but he exchanges our strength for his strength so that it never has to end. =D That is SO COOL. So, I apologized to Bethany for my attitude, and apologized to my cabin for not being more of a servant to them. It felt so much like a huge backpack had been taken off me. I was really sad that I was so dense that God had to let me go through that whole entire week of trying to do things in my own strength so that he could correct me. I am just disappointed at all the opportunities for ministry that I missed bcause I was so focused on myself.
Another thing I really learned was how proud I am/tend to be and didn't even realize it, and how terrible I am at taking constructive, kind criticism! Wow. So humbling.
All of this is pretty choppy, but it's a wonder I got it all out. Hopefully soon I will post about camp, the fun stuff, but right now after taking in so much info at camp, stuff at home, and life, my brain is mUSH and it is a wonder I got this all out. =P

I am really looking forward to taking everything I have learned and living accordingly now. I'm going to compile a list of quotes/statements that impacted me the most, and hopefully post some of my notes, as well.

Since camp I have been oodles of busy. I just posted some of this on a different blog. (www.thegiveawaytree.xanga.com - check it out! I give away things. mmhm. free things. what's better?)

Since I've been home life has been a lot crazy. My granddad is going to be moving into the house with my family soon. There are 7 of us kids, 3 bedrooms, and a storage room. Well, we've decided to put the 4 of us girls in one room, the 3 guys in another, and the medium sized bedroom beside the bathroom will be for my granddad. Well, this involves using the storage room as a closet for the four of us girls. We have a LOT of stuff. In order to use it as a closet we had to pretty much completely reorganize and declutter that room. It was ..well, you couldn't walk through it for anything. =D
I'm looking for a part time job in town. Praying that God will provide so I can pay off some money I owe, and get the funds to take a small road trip in October. (My best friend a few states away is getting married.) I'm also highly involved in keeping the household running, and homeschooling my younger siblings. I haven't had a whole lot of time for extra stuff lately. =) It has been nice getting so much accomplished, and getting into practical application with everything I've learned at camp.

I was really hoping I'd be in college this semester. Funny thing, whenever I looked forward to being 19 years old I always thought I would be starting my second year of college, probably have a boyfriend, and I'd generally be a lot more on top of life. hehe! God has such different plans, and I am learning to love his plans that are so beautiful for me.

My family is going through something of a rough time right now. I can't really expound on that, but keep us in your prayers if you will. Especially my dad! My parents both work full time, and my sister is going to start working mornings in September, so my parents need me at home in the morning to keep the house running, and help homeschool the kids. Mostly I just teach my little brother to read, and math. More of what I do with the older kids is just accountability to get their work done, and a little help with things they don't understand. I also have the fun job of cooking/serving breakfast and lunch, and making sure chores get done. I enjoy the meals, and I need the practice with cooking. The making sure things get done gets tough, though. Since I'm not the parent my sibings tend to feel I haven't got a right to keep on telling them what to do. Also, Mama and Daddy don't generally make sure as many things get done as need to be done. It's a hard job, and I'm going to have to be very careful as I go about it. I think God has me here for a reason, though, and I'm gonna give it all I've got.


My favorite quote right now is, "what you do with the first two hours of your day shows a lot about who you love most."
I've been getting up at 6 and doing devos, then around 6:45-7 I start cooking breakfast for the fam. Once 8 gets here I go on my morning run. If I can keep up this routine, I'll be doing pretty good. =D

This has been an ENTIRELY too long post, so I will save the rest of my quotes for another day. <3
Laura Ansley Loshie or whatever you want to call me.
;)