Sophomore!!

Well, here I am, getting ready to go back to school! I am a sophomore.

I went to school in the fall with much anticipation. I can remember riding down to school thinking, "This is insane. This is just insane. Let's just turn around and go back home. This is impossible. This is never going to work." My stomach was in knots, and I was so nervous. My first day at school my cell phone broke, and I was a wreck. It took a couple of months for me to get used to life at school, but I finally adjusted. I made it through the end of the semester and came out with my GPA where I wanted it, and had a great group of friends. I went back to school and worked for 3 weeks of Christmas break before school started. Second semester was FANTASTIC. My group of friends grew, and we found our "core" group. We had fun, we studied, we wrote research papers, we laughed, we cried, we fought (some of us), we ate french fries, and we conquered finals! I made it into the nursing program!!! I'm going to nursing school in one of the top 10 nursing school in the nation! SO exciting. We all parted ways to get summer jobs, but as the weeks passed by, I still had no job.

As I was praying, God lead me to stop searching for a job. He told me to wait on him. So I waited - impatiently. "Okay, God! Bring me a job! Drop it in my lap! I'm waiting!!" One night as I was praying I told him, "Lord, you know I need a job! All you have to do is give your word. One word and I have a job. It's in your hands, Lord. Please!" Sometimes God will reach down from heaven and give me a clear word, or a phrase, or a sentence. He'll send a thought, and I know it's not my own. He said, "Laura, you don't need a job. You only need for me to provide for you." So I stewed for a few days. Huffed and puffed. "I can't believe this. I'm sitting here all summer, not doing ANYTHING, when I could be working! I don't understand! I want to work. I'm WILLING to work!! I will work HARD and LONG. I'll do what it takes to accomplish my goals! I'm not lazy! I don't want people to think I'm lazy. I want to go back to school! This is my dream! What am I going to do?!" When I realized that I was hating God's will for my life, I was a little schocked. Romans 12:1-2 talks about renewing the mind so that one can accomplish the "good, perfect, and acceptable" will of God. If God's will is really perfect, then how can I hate it. I started praying that God would change my heart, and I also started thinking about all the pros of not having a job. First of all, how cool is it that God would send me to college, but not make me pay for it? How cool is it that I get to stay home without a job this summer? I've been able to spend a lot of time with friends, and family, help with VBS at church, and I even held a yard sale at home. Very cool. I'm getting SO MUCH REST this summer. At school, rest is like...unheard of.
Most of all, God is teaching me to have faith, and stretching the faith I have. I don't understand why he works the way he works, not at all. It is hard, to believe that he will provide for me through this journey. Now that I'm a nursing student, I have even more costs than if I were pursuing some other study. I have to have health insurance, a background check, uniform, tools (stethoscope&hemostat, etc.), my books are going to be very expensive, and then there is the normal tuition, room, and board, as well as other expenses during the school year. Going into this with NO MONEY and trusting God to provide is extremely difficult. The Lord has reminded me though, that this is his idea, not mine. Last year he told me he would make it "painfully clear" that this is his idea, not mine, and that there is no way I can accomplish this without him.

So, here we go. Not too long, and I'll be setting out for school, once again, pretty much penniless. Not destitute, though, because I have God as my father and he will provide for me. He loves to take care of me, and to prove himself.